Where have I been ?

Sorry, I have not written in a while. Things are a little rough right now.  My phone does not work at home ( can't find a signal ), and I use my phone as a modem for Internet. I should pay for Internet and cable it's only a simple hundred dollars a month, but major changes are coming my way and I'm unsure if I will be able to afford it. Hopefully soon I can get a car ( another expense ) , so I can put my son in some child care ( another expense ) so I can go to school and be able to take more classes.

Speaking of school, I've applied for university ! Yes,  big , big, BIIIG news. I know it's just applying but fora teen mom who had ZERO hope for going to school and people doubting me to finish high school, brings such excitement for me.

Criminology: Associate of Arts Degree is what I applied for, it's a two year program and if I'm accepted I'll start September 2013. 

James

When my sister was born, my dog died. My dog, was my best friend at the time, basically my only friend. But now, my sister is my best friend, mind you she is only 4. I still love her dearly.
Now, years later. One of the most important man too ever come into my life died, my grandfather. The only real dad figure I had growing up. A month and a half later, I was pregnant, with a new main man in my life, James.

James, my little big man.  Born August 30 2011, 9lbs and 01oz. I gained 30 lbs my pregnancy and lost all of it before i even left the hospital. My pregnancy was easy, no serious complications. Just the back ache and mood swings. My labor on the other hand, was very dramatic, he takes after his mother this way. He really rushed and took his time with coming out and flipped sunny side up and had to slow my contractions.. blah blah blah , almost everything too go wrong did other then he did not wrap himself up in the cord ( THANK YOU JAMES ) The doctors got lazy and started threatening a c-section, but i refused. I'm a real bitch, lets just throw in some contractions and pain in the loop ( I was a joy .. not ). But at 3.06 AM, my bundle of joy arrived.  He had a black eye, because he was a forceps baby and I need a episiotomy.

Stop and cut yourself some slack.

I've always been the type of person too rush, or know what I want and want them right now. I was so busy wanting to grow up, now I just wish too go backand enjoy being a kid. But the thing is, you can't go back. All I can do is go forward and make the most of what I got. I wish I was graduated, I wish James slept in his crib, I wish.... I wish ... I wish... So easy to make wishes but when I take a step back I need to prioritize and set myself up with some goals. School has been a struggle since going on these mood stabilizers, I don't notice any change with these things, maybe I'm even more mad because I don't see any results but heavier sleeping. All I do is sleep or want too, makes things hard too get things done but I do what I can. I still have goals and still attend class.
          Yesterday, I posted a jolly jumper with stand on Craigslist and it got picked up fairly quickly and it was another teen mom and her mom and just talking to that family for a few minutes makes me feel a little bit better, being a teen mom or a parent in general is lonely. Such a icky feeling over comes, and this girl didn't have the baby daddy in the baby's life so I can just imagine what she is going thru. But,    Like most things in life, it just gets better.

Dates.

Myself and Billy ( my sons father ) went on a date this evening.  It was not for long, just a good ol dinner to Boston Pizza. After we dropped James off, it was like instantly having this weight off our shoulders, or maybe because we could listen to the music just a little louder together, just like how we use to. Billy and I , don't really date and we don't get out much.  Maybe we should too help us with the stress and " enjoy our youth " but  honestly we don't need that EVERY weekend. We are parents, full time parents. We live together, we pay our bills together so when one struggles, we both struggle. We're a team, a pretty damn good one too.
I really lucked out when it comes too baby daddy's, because min is the best. He loves his son, he's there for me even when we don't see eye too eye. He provides and loves his family. He's faithful and loyal.

Mental health.

Recently i've learned how important it is, to take care of you're mental health. I always seem to forget at the end of the day. Having a bubble bath with candles or going for a jog, just seems like a waste of time. A time i could spend doing homework or even house work. Things always need to be done, and i always forget how important it is to take care of ME.
Lately, since living on my own, i've been at war with myself, just a constant feeling of never good enough and unable to make myself proud. Just really unhappy with who i am, and that is not a good feeling. My temper with my son has worn very thin in the last while and so, off too the doctors i went, and now I'm on a mood stabilizer, and i honestly can't tell you if they are working, I'm just on edge.  The good thing about these pills is that it's supposed to help me gain weight.
James finds it cute, when he growls with frustration at me, and sure the first and second time was cute, but now its not so cute. He has the power and he knows it. Times for this mom too take it back.
Today, has been a struggle since i've woken up. Running away seems like the thing to do.

House work never stops.

Before I had James, I could never understand why child care was so expensive. Well fellow readers, I understand now.Being a mom and house wife doesn't seem like a lot  of work, but realistically it is. Being a student with a time crunch for wanting to graduate is hard enough as it is, but why don't you throw in, having a hubby to feed and a needy baby wanting every ounce of attention you might have. So. I have a routine now, that i'm starting to master, but could always use some improvement.

Step one : Once waking up, Do the laundry and get the kid fed ( kids are vultures when hungry )
Step two : Do an assignment of homework
Step three : Do some dishes or start dinner
Step four : Do some more homework, but before moving onto the next step, you must complete an assignment.
And so on and so forth.

See, juggling school and being a mom is just loads of fun.

 

Options

When I found out I was pregnant, there was know other options that crossed mine or ether Billy's. I can't picture my life without James, for the parents who choose adoption, good job, and you guys are so strong... I don't have that strength in me. Abortion, well I'm not against it but its not my first choice. Once you become pregnant , you're body knows how to reproduce so finding a birth control that works for you is even more important. I swear by my Iud, there is some risks with it but the advantages weigh it out. My Iud is perfect because I don't need to worry about the pill ( I got pregnant on the pill ) and my Iud works for 4 more years and can come out whenever I ask. Some days pass by and I can't help but feel like there is a clock weighing down on me too have another baby.... Because I grew up as a only child and hated it, but when I think about it, ( and I mean reaaallllyyyyy think about it ) the timing is not right and I can wait 4 years or whenever Bill and I are ready.
There is so many support groups out there helping moms in general, and I went too one when I was pregnant and it helped me a lot for preparing for the baby, what to expect and just meeting other moms who understood me and what I was going thru.  You may feel alone out there, but you're not. We're all just fish in the ocean. We just gotta keep swimming.

Who am I ? Who are you ?

My name is Chelsea, I was 16 when found out I was pregnant, and now my son James is 14 months old, the father of James is still in the picture and we're still in love with each other but face challenges in our everyday life. So now, I'm a  28 trapped in a 18 year old body juggling school, being a mother , and a girlfriend. 

Too any teen parents out there reading this blog, Do not give up. You're life is not over, the fun has just began.