" The moment a child is born, the mother is born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new "

My little sissy

My younger sister and I have always had a " special " relationship, I was very involved with watching her as she was growing up ( she is only 5 ) . Since moving out on my own just over a year ago, I've missed a lot, I've watched her two days now and I'm amazed with this young little girl before my eyes.
I remember when she was James age, she was so chubby and she had a smile that was contagious.. well she still has the same kind of smile. I wonder if I had that smile when I was her age, and when do we lose it, and why.
Life is so stressful, and it does get easier.... apparently. Does it become easier, when we accept stress as our everyday lifestyle, and just " suck it up and live with it " ? Life = It is what it is.

Baltic Amber, Every parents savior to teething babies.

My son started teething roughly around 7 months, and he was getting 2 bottom teeth. James is now 17 months and has 10 teeth, all his teeth he gets is more than 2 at a time.
My poor little man is such a trooper when it comes to cutting the teeth. He gets whinny, breaks out in a fever, diarrhea , and most of all, CLINGY . I was not big on drugging him up, with the baby dosage of tylenol. I hate tylenol. To me, it's something that should be used for " emergency " like when he had a fever.
Yesterday, I picked up a " Baltic Amber Teething Neckles " ... all I can say, is that we've been using it and i cant help but wonder where has this been all HIS life. I love it.
I've noticed that James has become calm, less needy. But when he would normally throw a temper, he just let out a little whine. and went on with what Jamsies does.

Baltic Amber is known to:

Reduce inflammation of the throat, ear & stomach

Fight irritations, infections and respiratory diseases

Dramatically improves the body’s immunity – strengthens and boosts the bodys natural healing ability and immune system

Completely non-invasive remedy for side-effects associated with teething such as swollen gums, diaper rash, earache etc.

Natural analgesic that will calm your child

Many adults report improvement of arthritis and carpal tunnel pain

Pain Releif: helps take the edge off of many types of discomfort associated with dental issues, headaches, joint pain, etc.

Naturally restores energy: Your body naturally produces succinic acid. The salt of the succinic acid, called succinate) is one of the most active substances in the processes of cellular respiration and intercellular energy creation. Succinic acid restores oxygen and energy supply to the depleted cells and helps your body return to a normal, functioning state.

Helps maintain body wellness: When the human body reacts to stress, the body’s cells begin to use oxygen more quickly. Oxygen plays a central role in the intercellular creation of energy, and a lack of oxygen can result in feeling lethargic.

off my medication for 2 weeks.

In the beginning of October when me and Billy broke up, I went into the doctors for help for postpartum  or some type of depression. My doctor, put me on a lose dose of a mood stabilizer. I ran out of refills, and have no way to my doctors office anytime soon. I can honestly say, I'm feeling the my effects. I'm every where, mentally that is. Today, I've cried for over 6 hours and I don't have a answer to why, or what has brought this on. Humans need a good cry once in awhile, right ? I hate showing my emotions, and alot of the times i come off as rude, or cold. I feel overwhelmed, I'm trying so hard in school and it's frustrating because I don't feel smart enough.

Alberta.

Living in Beautiful BC, i'm so thankful for this life i've been given. I have food in my fridge and a place to call my own. I hate BC. i've wanted out since i was younger and took a road trip to Manitoba. Road trips, or car rides make me feel free, maybe it's just my personality and not liking being in one place for to long.

My darling dad, received a job opportunity it Calgary. I've never been there, but something feels positive about it. My mom asked me to move with them ( of course ) and i wish I was able to give her the answer that is screaming inside me. I cant ask Billy too leave behind his family, i'd feel so selfish, when realistically moving is the better option.  Its the better option because living out there is all around cheaper, a different lifestyle but most of all... free day care. Oh yes, I said it.. FREE DAYCARE, my mom is willing to watch my beautiful son until I finish my BSN and Billy would be able to get his schooling done as well.

Moving seems smart, and the only thing hold me back is actually leaving and asking Billy if he is ready to take this journey with me and our family. We'd be able to not live like teenagers, but we would have more help.. whats wrong with some extra help from loved ones ? My grandparents basically raised me, heck, they did. We all raise each other, and help one another out.. like a family should.

A little rant. I don't want to get to old.

I want to live long enough, to be able to enjoy life. My great grandma or great great grandma is 95 years old, and is as healthy as me, we call her Auntie Jean. Auntie Jean, she is so fragile to touch, but as she would stat " I like to party ". Poor Auntie Jean is in a home, and her memory is fading away like her strength in walking without her cane, her heart is strong and she says " I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I will lose myself before I die, I want to die before I cant walk, or before everyone becomes strangers. I know I am loved, I don't want to die being afraid "

I'm a mom, I dont need to party every night.

When I became a mom,the moment I knew I was pregnant. I kissed good bye to the life I've ever known and took a leap of faith, blindfolded into the unknown.

    Having James, awakened my soul into who I needed to become. I firmly believe that, its my responsibility to be at home, taking care of my family doing the motherly duties.. Not out getting shitfaced  and living like the " normal " 18 year old carefree life ( even if its every weekend ). Just because i'm 18 doesn't excuse my responsibilities for my wishes of freedom. Don't get me wrong, every parent needs a break once in awhile, but is being a mom so hard that people need to leave their child while they live their life ? Being a mom is not a job, but it is alot of work. You are a mother 24/7 not,5 days a week and get weekends off

Tonight especially, James is waking up every hour and needing me to go lay down with him, its becoming frustrating, but i guess this situation is my fault. I did not crib train or anything. My son does not self soothe, he relies on me for that. Having him disrupt me from my homework during my " me " time, while he should be sound asleep. I love him to bitz, more then anyone could imagine.
I still breastfeed, which needs to end. I just don't no how or where to start. So much things in my life I want to change, but feel either powerless, out of control or I simply don't no where to start.